im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I think I just sharted jello shots
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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