it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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