Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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