problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
