Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
