if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
As shirtless as possible
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize