so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
