I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
