Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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