Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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