At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
When are your genitals available?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
