He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
