Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
