Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
