dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
