my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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