Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
