What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
