Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Houston, we have a blender
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
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sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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