So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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