i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
