Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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