She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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