Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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