sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
