i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We have started to decorate penises.
You pole danced in your parka.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
