she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
