My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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