I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
God I need to hump something, right now.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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