Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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