I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
