apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
