Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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