She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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