WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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