My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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