No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
