he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
