Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
