If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
