I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
