They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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