Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
