Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize