I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize