And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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