if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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