What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
