VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
