There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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