It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
