At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
