My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
bring money and cleavage
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
