Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
the condom got lost in my hair
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
