He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
