if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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