OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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