someone threw a dead crab at me
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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