Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
