So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
