I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
