I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
