Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
