she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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