I just saw a hot homeless man
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
operation harelip BJ is a go
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
