when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
