well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
