He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize