PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
