Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
