She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
