I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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