Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
