would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
