I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
