Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
