Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
