awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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