Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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