Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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