Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
