I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
