just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We named our party play list daddy issues
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
