everyone is single if you try hard enough
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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